Comic Archive

Welcome to Squires for Hire. Let’s see how many terrible squire puns I can make before I'm banned from the internet.

This story is in no way, shape, or form a reflection of my middle school experience. Promise.

Oh thank goodness a new character. I was worried this comic would be nothing but 500 pages of posing and inner monologues.

Man, I honestly did not intend to make that horse so handsome. Okay sorry Robin your dreams are dead forever. This comic is now and forever about that horse.

To be fair, this is probably not the first time this has happened to her.

The long face Tavern follows the time-honored tradition of horse-themed pubs found throughout Paragon. Other establishments include the Salty Stallion, The High Horse Inn, Filly’s Flophouse, and The Spur of the Moment. Records indicate this unusual naming convention began over three hundred years ago as part of a massive passive-aggressive war the city’s merchants waged with a traveling centaur caravan.

I have a feeling this castle is going to be consistently inconsistently drawn. It’‘ll be like that magical ever-shifting staircase in Harry Potter but yaknow, unintentional.

Oh thank goodness, I can finally stop drawing that backpack now. I've lost count of the number of times I've forgotten it in a panel and had to go back to redraw it.

Knights of the Iron Envelope are rightfully feared as some of the most tenacious and unwavering warriors in the entire kingdom. They see themselves as righteous crusaders of knowledge and communication. The last defenders of liberty and the exchange of ideas. Most people see them as those weird folks who trot about in khaki short pants.

I promised you all preteen angst and by god I intend to deliver it!

Oh hey it's the final main character of the comic, and it only took 10 fricken pages for her to show up.

Boop.

Beatrice’s reminds me of a friend’s dog who would constantly bark at strangers twelve times its size. Like, I get it. You’re trying to be authoritative and imposing, but you just can’t be taken seriously when you’re that tiny and cute. Side note: I like how when I started running out of things to have her ramble on about I just started filling the bubble with song lyrics.

Don't worry Robin, I'm sure I'll get tired of writing this joke eventually.

It always warms the heart to see old friends reconnect.

First time I've ever had to draw a crowd scene, man that takes a lot of time. I look forward to the wrist cramps I'm going to get during the next three or four pages.

Being a teacher at this academy is a lot like being a prison guard. When you're paid next to nothing you don't really have much incentive to jump between two brawling idiots. That's a good way to lose an eye.

Huh, well that sucks. I guess we won't be seeing those two again. Too bad, I really liked drawing them.

Bit of a short page today. Also, totally just realized this is the first page I've done without Robin. Neat.

To be honest an hour sounds really generous.

Bonk!

To be fair, it wasn't nearly as embarrassing as the first year she attempted the exam.

Hey man empty cages can be deadly too, you never know. Something something gazebo joke.

The stakes are very high for Gwen. Before landing a job at the academy she apprenticed for eight years as a barista knight in the Order of the Morning Chalice. Despite being a vital part of daily life in Paragon the order is considered to be the bottom of the barrel in the knightly hierarchy. Most knightly aspirants who fail to make the cut wind up a barista knight, a position barely a step above the peasant class. Gwen would most likely burn the kingdom down before returning to that thankless job.

I've been told by some folks that Gwen's plight hits a little too close to home. You'll be excited to hear I'm writing a spin-off series about her. It's just 500 pages of her writing fantasy emails and agonizing about her student loans.

Sir Warwick actually has a drink named after him that you can find in several taverns throughout Paragon. It's one part bourbon, one part lemon juice, mixed well with three drops of a child's tears. Customers are of course expected to bring their own tears.

As fun as this goblin was to design, I have to admit drawing that anime meat was the highlight of making this comic.

This marks the third time Robin's actually smiled this entire comic. The last one was about 20 pages ago. Let's not even talk about Beatrice's numbers...

Officially, the chivalric code requires a knight to announce their intent to engage a foe in battle. This is supposed to separate them from other lowly warriors by demonstrating their desire for honorable combat. As Beatrice demonstrates, blind adherence to this code can have plenty of drawbacks. Many more practical orders consider this a formality and instruct their recruits to simply mutter their challenge quietly under their breath if they want to ambush a foe.

There’s probably a reason Beatrice failed the last couple entrance exams.

Come on Robin, a construction site is no place for cartoon physics. Take it somewhere else.

Man, it would be a reaaaal dick move if I just ended the comic right here.

Oh huh, did I forget to mention Robin can bench press a house? She can bench press a house.

I will never get tired of drawing Beatrice's expressions. Kinda funny when you remember how prim and proper she was at the beginning of the chapter.

Robin can be a pretty good Problem solver. In honor of my 34th page I am opening up a rule 34 contest. Unfortunately because all of my characters are underage you are only allowed to make pictures of the sole adult in the comic, Warwick.

Man sometimes I really regret making this comic in a fantasy setting. Drawing cobblestones has become my worst nightmare.

To be fair Clown knights do exist in Paragon, and they are very well respected members of the knightly courts. Regular clowns though are still considered jokes and are rightly despised. Also yay everyone's favorite sassy goth is back!

Damn I missed writing dialogue for these two. Also, I think I've finally perfected the art of drawing Beatrice faces.

A whole group of cuties acting cute this page. And yes, I'm including the goblin.

The gobbos are playing a game called Grigby's Bluff. Like most goblin games It plays a lot like calvinball where you just sort of make up the rules as you go. The game usually ends when the players get into a giant fight and forget about the game. Or when one player eats all the cards. Whichever comes first.

Huh this place looks familiar.

Hey wow, haven't seen some of these nerds in a while. And here you thought the horse was just a throwaway joke.

This probably isn't the first time Griswald's gotten in trouble for this.

Griswald does not take kindly to goblins horsing around.

I did not originally have a name for the centaur lady, but someone in the community offered the name Neighdine so that is canon now.

Beatrice really has a lot to look up to. (And not just because she's so small.)

Oof, those are some ominous bongs.

Well, only good things can come of this.

No jokes today, only emotions.

Fun fact: Robin gives excellent hugs. She spent many years training and honing her technique to avoid accidentally snapping people in two with her strength. Also I'm now realizing the reason I gave the goblins in this world tails was only partly for aesthetic reasons. The main reason was really just for this gag.

Buckle your seat belts kiddo's, we're entering into a flashback. Brace yourself for some tears and a very cute and very tiny Robin.

Hope you guys are enjoying some good ol' fashion Robin cuteness. It's funny, despite being the main character I feel like she gets overshadowed by Beatrice's more assertive personality. Hopefully this little flashback will help tip the scales. On a side note, after designing this fellow I had to think for a moment because he looked weirdly familiar. Turns out he's a dead ringer for an old drawing of my DnD fighter I made back in high school. I somehow subconsciously reproduced this dude years later in this comic. Funny how the mind works.

Aww man, looks like this is the last I'll be drawing of tiny Robin for a while. Phooey.

Well isn't this a colorful bunch. For the record Robin's mom is named Maggie, her dad is Drake, and her younger sibling is Kestrel. Going for a bit of a bird theme here if you didn't notice. On a side note: Moppie is a term of endearment for a young girl in Dutch. It roughly translates to honey or sweetheart. Culturally I designed Robin's family to be a weird mesh of Dutch and American south. So if you like chicken fried steak, bitterballen, Cornbread, and Poffertjes, you've come to the right house.

Huh, yaknow I'm starting to think Robin wasn't being entirely honest with Beatrice when she told her why she wanted to become a knight. Just when you think you know a person...

Aaaaaaand we're back. Let's check in and see what Beatrice is- ohmygoodnessno.

I dunno Robin, Stablehands for Hire doesn't really have the same ring to it.

I will never not get tired of picking on this poor girl. Drawing frazzled Beatrice gives me life.

First rule of Shounen Anime's: Never hurt the protagonist's friends.

Don’t worry, Morgan isn’t going soft or anything. She’s just adding another gobbo to her collection.

Huh. Well isn't that convenient?

Wow, so many new revelations. Like the fact that Grix could talk! Or that his name was Grix. Oh and I guess that Morgan instigated pretty much everything that happened in this comic so far, but that doesn't really seem as important.

Gwen c'mon, this is supposed to be a fun fantasy world. You're making things too real.

And so as was foretold the squires had finally became hired.

There's a very real possibility that Morgan was lying in that pose for a good 20 minutes waiting for the door to open.

Poor girl just can't catch a break.

And with that we finally finish the first arc of Squires for Hire! Thank you so much for hanging around this long and for all the love and support. Stick around for next week, I've got one more little bonus comic left before this chapter is officially closed. See you then.

Aaaand there we go, all loose ends are tied up. This concludes our first arc of Squires for Hire. Thank you so much for following me on this crazy little journey. I'm going to take the next month or two off to work on some other projects I've been putting off so I could work on this comic. Don't worry, a good chunk of them are squires-related so you won't be completely starved of content. See ya then!

Hey hey folks. Sorry for the wait, expect some new pages in July. Looking forward to seeing what mayhem the girls will get up this this time, stay tuned.

Heyyyy it’s Sir Walter. That dude that got name-dropped that one time 40 pages ago. This comic truly does have the deepest lore.

Crap, just realized that by putting that line in I’m obligated to draw giant death otters at some point.

Look, some kids are just late bloomers. Beatrice will unfortunately bloom around the same time a century plant does.

Morg's spitting some hot truths here. I get the feeling she'd be a big Pink Floyd fan.

Come on Beatrice, we were all having a fun pajama party till you had to go and spoil the mood.

And so ends the pajama party mini-arc. I'll miss drawing the little dragons on Robin's pants.

Uh oh. I wonder if this is where the truancy in the "Truancy and Tribulations" chapter title kicks in.

Well well well, look who finally has a name. Only good things can come from these two hanging out together.

Call it a hunch, but I think these two might be up to something.

Heyyyy got this done just in time for Christmas. Happy holidays yall, your present is finally knowing if those two would survive the fall or not. This comic also marks the first batch of cameo's from my kickstarter patrons. At the bottom panel from left to right we have VersusVarik, Alien_Ariel, and Scott Pezza. Thank you all for your support!

I'm sure she has a completely innocent explanation for wanting to sneak in there. She just can't think of one right now Also shout out to Stones of Anarchy whose main character makes a guest appearance in the first panel. Thanks again for contributing to the kickstarter.

Aaaaand we're back! Thank you all for being so patient. The last couple of months were a really rough time for me and it feels good to re-anchor myself by working on this comic again. Expect a regular stream of updates every week for the foreseeable future. Hope yall are ready for some questionable questin'.

On the one hand I'm sad that this will be the last time we'll see Lucra for a while, she's very fun to draw. On the other hand, I'm overjoyed that I don't need to draw such detailed backgrounds anymore. The kitty's name is Ninja by the way, he's modeled after my IRL cat and my friend Julia's kickstarter cameo. The name is somewhat ironic because he's the single least stealthy cat you'll ever see. He's a lazy ball of fluff, a heckin' chonker, and an absolute loaf. Seriously, he's so docile you can motorboat his belly and he just won't care. I know this from experience. Lots and lots of experience.

Please excuse Morgan. She doesn't try to be sinister, she just has resting villain face.

Morgan's disgust is not unwarranted. Due to a recent incident involving a beehive, a prototype dwarven pressure cooker, and an intoxicated manticore (The exact details of which remain undisclosed by the academy) the St. Briar's board of directors have recently been forced to completely replace their kitchen staff. Unfortunately they were only able to hire new workers from the local goblin villages as they were the only people crazy enough to want to work in the kitchens after the disaster. Goblins have a rather robust digestive system and can draw nutrients from a wide variety of organic and inorganic matter. This has lead them to develop a very... unique sense of taste. More than one student has complained of finding seashells or boot laces in their food only to be told that they're packed with minerals that help strengthen their tails.

The chapter 2 title page is starting to make a lot more sense now huh? Hold onto your butts, this story is gonna get weird.

In some parts of the world domestic mimic breeding has become quite fashionable among high society. Specialized kennel clubs have emerged to create mimics that specialize in transforming into specific objects. Purebred Malali armoire's for example are quite popular this season, and the quality of their pedigree is determined by the number of ornate details they can manifest such as bas reliefs or arabesque patterns. Mimic breeding has recently been outlawed in Paragon thanks to the efforts of fey rights activists who argue that forced mimic breeding is a form of magical animal cruelty. Several mimic sanctuaries (aka artificial dungeons) have been founded in order to house abandoned mimics and correct mimic overpopulation in paragon.

Morgan is definitely one of my favorite characters to write for and I'm really glad she has a larger role in this chapter. I really like thinking about each girl's relationship to one another and it's gonna be fun exploring how Morgan and Robin play off one another.

And then the plan went off without a hitch. The mimic's returned without incident and no one was the wiser. See you guys for chapter 3!

Well now, that just seems rude.

Call me crazy, but I'm starting to think that Morgan might actually be a bad influence on Robin after all.

The one nice thing about going to St. Briar's is that they're very lax when it comes to punishing tardiness. Periodic lateness is expected when your students have to walk up twelve flights of stairs and cross three sky-bridges just to get to their next class.

Morgan's unusual laugh is a result of her spending a good chunk of her childhood surrounded by goblins. Despite the cool and aloof attitude she's been trying to cultivate, she's never been able to fully get rid of her distinctive cackle.

Yaknow, for a fantasy webcomic it sure did take us a long time to see any actual magic.

A solid 30% of magical training involves learning how to strike cool poses when casting spells. (Also, I'll be really sad if no one spots the little easter egg I put in this page)

There really isn't anything that girl won't boop huh?

Oh no! Robin's (Not at all) secret super strength is revealed! Though to be fair Morgan may be the last person you want knowing about it. It's like owning a pickup truck. Once your friends know you have one, they'll be asking you to help move stuff every weekend.

And here we thought Beatrice was the one with a sheltered upbringing.

Hark, a smiling Robin! What a rare treat, you usually don't find one of those in the wild.

Looks like we found Morgan's one weakness. Raw heartfelt honesty from a precious cinnamon roll.

Oh hey! It's... dang, it's been so long since we've seen her I've forgotten her name...

Not counting bonus comics, this makes 100 pages baby! Truth be told I was hoping the next page would be the hundredth because it ends on a joke I've been waiting to draw for a while now, but oh well. Still, I'm happy to have reached this milestone.

Watch as my comic immediately gets banned for all this hardcore topless nudity.

That's right folks, Robin's cowl had a hood this entire time! I've just never had a reason to draw it flipped up until now. Check in next week for the answers to more fashion mysteries, like just how Morgan doesn't impale her own face whenever she lifts up her arms.

Normally mimics taking human guises are unable to carry out full conversations with people. They're typically limited to just repeating their initial orders unless given a specific message or response to parrot. Their inhuman nature is pretty easily deduced once their stilted speech patterns are recognized. Unless of course you're Beatrice who is absolutely illiterate when it comes to reading people.

Oh I'm sure that's a perfectly normal thing for a mimic to do.

I gotta say, it's really fun writing a super sassy Robin even if it's not actually her.

Honestly the hardest part about making this page wasn't drawing the awesome jump-slash the mimic is doing, but finding a good insult for Robin. Find a single flaw in that precious cinnamon roll, I dare you.

Something something living in a world of cardboard. As we've seen before, an angry Robin is a very scary Robin.

Chill out Robin, It's way too soon in the series for you to turn Super Saiyan.

I'm sure that's nothing to be concerned about. Tune in next week to see the return of a surprise mystery character!

Iiiiiits Griswald! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Z3ra0CxCE0) I swear, every time I have to draw Griswald he always looks different. Mainly because I have to stop and relearn how to draw a horse every single time. Stupid Griswald, why do you have to be so popular?

Let's be honest, she's had that coming for quite a while now.

Man, Beatrice is in a real pickle now. How is she going to tell which ones are the real Robin and Morgan? Shoutout to Ben and Phil for backing my kickstarter, hope you like your Cameo’s.

I can only imagine what's going through the mimic's head right now. (For the record it's Robin's fist.)

Sorry for the lack of goblins this chapter, in return have a bit of Beatrice going full goblin-mode.

In retrospect, Beatrice may have had the right idea all along.

I'm starting to wonder if Lucra actually ever goes to class. There's a distinct possibility that she just lives in the store.

I'd wager Lucra will drop a few rungs in the reader popularity rankings after this.

My theory is that the arch-wizards who taught at Madam Degroot's never caught on to Morgan's tricks because they never considered a student would have the audacity to try and pull a stunt like that. Either that or Morgan is REALLY good at close-up magic.

Fwap! Also shoutout to Humphrey Dumpty, long-time reader and backer of my volume 1 kickstarter. I'm slowly getting through these cameos one pie-eating statue at a time.

Possibly one of the sillier action scenes I've drawn so far. But hey! Looks like Robin finally gets to put all those squire skills to use!

There's no walls Robin can't break. Stone walls, wooden walls, or even fourth walls.

The return of the king. But just how is Warwick going to know which are the real Robin and Morgan, and which ones are the fake?

And on this day Squires for Hire officially became an anime.

Now see, none of this nonsense would've happened if the school just simply taught moonshining as one of their classes. Warwick has been petitioning them to do so for years to no avail.

As if anyone would think Warwick would be the hero of this story.

Gasp! A development!

And here you all thought Morgan was going to be the delinquent this chapter. Shame shame shame.

Stand by your principles Beatrice, even if it means getting sent to the Principal. That does it for chapter 2 folks! But fret not, I got one extra bonus page left before finishing up this arc. With any luck it'll be out around new years. See you then!

In retrospect, probably not the greatest idea to put those two items so close to each other.

Wait, what? A faculty member who isn't a cynical jerk? Must've wandered in from the bizarro Squires universe somehow.

Don't worry Robin, I'm sure they'll tire themselves out eventually.

Honestly that's a great look for Warwick, he should wear it more often.

When you think about it, wrangling Warwick is probably about 70% of Gwen's actual job. Gwen often tries not to think about it.

The Skullgrinders are actually a very famous family known throughout Paragon. Some of the deadliest pirates, marauders, and warlords in history have all carried the Skullgrinder name. After taking the vows of knighthood Sir Walter became something of a black sheep among his kin. The fact that he chose to fill hearts and minds full of kindness and knowledge instead of swords and arrows is deeply embarrassing to his extended family. It tends to make the annual family barbecue very awkward.

There you go, your obligatory Griswald cameo for this chapter. Normally this mobile McMansion requires at least 4 horses to pull it, but Griswald is far from normal. I'm fairly certain he could give Robin a run for her money in an arm-wrestling contest.

Warwick can be a nightmare to work with, but at least there's some perks. When he's in charge drinking on the job isn't just allowed, it's often mandatory.

Theme song for this travel montage: www.youtube.com/watch?v=daeqb6f7GrY

Well of course Beatrice has never heard of camping before, she's been sheltered her entire life!

Beatrice and Morgan alone in a scene together? I'm sure there will be no drama and that they'll get along just fine.

Aaaand we're back baby. I brought you guys a souvenir, it's a sweet little moment between Morgan and Beatrice.

I don't know if Beatrice will ever grow up to become a great monster slayer, but she's real good at killing the mood at least.

Oh come on Beatrice, who even remembers what happened two whole chapters ago?

Well, at least Robin's having a good time on this adventure.

Clearly the problem here is that Beatrice prefers to be the big spoon.

When the breakfast line doesn't work, Morgan usually gets good results by just running and leaping onto her dad. This was a lot cuter before her giant growth spurt.

The dramatic lighting in that last panel is completely diegetic by the way. Morgan only bothered to learn a couple of magic spells during her time at Madam Degroot's, she prioritized ones that could either let her cause the most trouble or make her more theatrical.

I honestly think Morgan really values Robin's friendship. Mainly because she has someone new and naive enough to believe all of her stories now.

Aaaaaaand we're back! Oh hey, looks like I'm not the only one returning to this comic huh? It's everyone's favorite characters... those guys!

Of course bandits are pro-union. They may be criminals, but they're not monsters.

If the roles were reversed the last panel's background text would read "Hon hon hon hon hon!"

Oof, Beatrice certainly can't catch a break this chapter. (But she can certainly catch a club, that's for sure.)

See Beatrice? That's how you do a proper fastball special.

Clearly he was going to say goblet right? Morgan must've stolen their drink at a party.

Yeesh, just how deep is that hole? (It's a magical plot-hole. It's as deep as I need it to be for plot reasons. She'll get out right when the story needs her to.)

Murph has two older sisters. None of this is new to him.

One puuuuuuuuuuuuuunch!

Well Beatrice, this is what you get for putting all your points into Constitution instead of Strength.

My my my, maybe Beatrice isn't so useless in a fight after all...

Ah yes, the secret technique used by every older brother to squash their younger sibling. I know it well, I've been on the receiving end of this move many times. Also, hey it's Robin! It's been so long I almost forgot she was even in this comic!

Hooray! Robin's back! Oh no... Robin's back!!!

Oh? Who might this be? Certainly not the character I designed a year and a half ago and have been impatiently waiting for the opportunity to premiere in the comic. Must just be some rando.

Robin's bloodlust has only been temporarily halted due to the sheer confusion of seeing a teacher who actually cares about her job and is nice to her students. Don't worry, she'll get back to turning Tucker into a pancake next page.

Hotfix: Robin has proven to be too OP in the current meta so we gave her a 400% vulnerability increase against boys.

I will never get tired of telling this joke.

Honestly Robin, you should be flattered. You got hit on by two absolute smokeshows in one day. That's something you could brag about for years!

I felt bad about not having a goblin in the last chapter. Let me make up for it by providing you with the best goblin.

Morgan: "Look, I love goblins but they are some of the trickiest little buggers you'll ever meet. Word of advice? Never ever trust a goblin." Robin: "Even the cute ones?" Morgan: "ESPECIALLY the cute ones."